XXXII. I Am Her -

who lives, knowing for a fact that “blood is thicker than water” -

        and not just because I am that pre-med - that ambitious and panic-stricken senior who keeps wondering what would happen should she not get admitted into any post-bacc;

       bitterly scowling at the idea of people having mid-life crises and the following epiphany: They too want to be a physician;

       bitterly scowling at the idea of the aforementioned being more appealing candidates for post-bacc than herself;

       than myself.

              Myself… me, who had my grandmother stitch me a white coat with “Dr. Oberoi” threaded on the upper right pocket, for Halloween in 1995.

I am her-

who would do anything for her family,

      who doesn’t need to surround herself with obligation/online chatting/party in da club “friends” -

I am her-

who grew up learning how to live in reality and to resist any disguised reality-

and so I am her-

who found college to be the lowest of the low.

               Why?

because college is a non-existential mirage. College is reality - in its own respect, or lack thereof.

I am her -

who lives, knowing for a fact that “blood is thicker than water” -

I am her -

who was done wrong by the Ivy League and yet is hungry for that Ivy Degree that will make its way in May -

I am her-

who studied and studied and studied - “the right way”….the wrong way" -

           “You’re not strategizing!”

           “You don’t need to master the material!”

I am her -

who is not to be blamed.

           Why?

because I was done wrong.

I was done wrong.

I am not to blame… I studied and studied and studied.

I am her-

who lives, knowing that “blood is thicker than water” -

I am her -

who couldn’t care less about everyone else and so I walk through that library with a scowl. Yes, I know it’s there. It is not deliberate, but I am aware of it.

        I am aware of the tension on my forehead, the constant cracking of the knuckles, and the unnatural working of the muscles that are working on the corners of my eye to make them squint in such a way so as to communicate:

        “Dare challenge me- go for it - you’ll just lose.”

I am her -

who will make it to the top.

I will make myself a part of the elite. I will make it and create a legacy.

Still, I will never congratulate nepotism - I will never rejoice at someone’s sibling getting into Penn: The concept of meritocracy is clearly lost within the Ivy;

       and yet I study and study and study - and suddenly it’s let meritocracy reign! What a hypocritical academic institution I decided to attend… I digress.

I am her-

who lives, knowing that “blood is thicker than water”

    and to jingle bell with everything else-