XXX. Brought Up on Blessings -

Apparently I am one of the few people who have furthered the supernatural tradition.

That is to say, it is no coincidence that I have been born into the astrological time frame of May 21 - June 21, associated with the horoscope of Gemini.

I have come to realize that there is, without a doubt, something that is biologically embedded in me that makes me the Gemini who I am.

According to the Penguin published (aka legit status), Super Horoscope Gemini 2009 book, the Gemini, regardless of age, generally has a “youthful appearance.”

Considering the fact that me being a senior in college blows everyone’s mind back home, my Gemini status is already verified.

Or maybe it’s just the genes from my mother’s side. Let’s put it this way, my almost eighty year old grandmother looks like she’s in her mid-sixties and my mother was declined from entering a casino with my father because they thought she was eighteen… my brother was eighteen at the time.

Besides this anecdotal antithesis for those fellow cynics, I truly am that Gemini who, “adapts costuming to suit the occasion.”

I have no shame in staring at myself in the mirror until I feel pretty enough to continue on with my day without worrying about the off-chance that I seem someone, professor or otherwise, who I would not want to see me not looking well-dressed.

Similarly, the art of dancing is wholesome - the aesthetic of the dance includes the costume and so when dancing, I feel that I have to dress the part. If I am dancing hip-hop, the grunge look would be preferential.

When dancing in a way that would make me uncomfortable outside of my room or not in front of the dark depth that a stage offers, I should probably look akin to a Barbie doll, aka accentuating the female beauty the dance movement has already successfully emphasized.

The costume I have put on to suit an occasion, however, does not necessarily mean that the costume is self-enhancing or is in anyway positive.

Question: Why would I intentionally suit myself to an occasion, (only exterior-wise because God help me, I will never change for anyone), if it cannot be considered positive?

Answer: I am a Gemini, that’s why.

Upon leaving my last dance practice of the term, I realized how it was as though a switch went off and I again regained my New-Yorker level of comfortable isolation once I left practice.

In other words, my costume to suit the occasion of practice was taken off once I stepped outside.

That is to say, I usually do not move my hips or dance with sensuality despite the integrity of the dance calling for it, during practice- only during practice.

I take on this costume during practice.

I know that in this situation, my lifestyle (permitting it was a tangible entity that could speak), would say: do not move in this manner at this moment in time, please and thank you.

Of course I know it is only right if I do move in this manner, otherwise the dance is not done justice and I don’t look as if I am the artistic person that I truly am; I was in a chorus- (yes I can sing, but you didn’t know that), I played piano, violin, and alto saxophone.

Still, I take this costume - it is an involuntary response - it is me being Gemini.

It is me validating the astrologers that Indian parents so love.

I can certainly move my body without seeming stiff and uncomfortable- but only when I am alone.

As though I have never moved my hips in my life. If I remember correctly, I’m the one who is half-Spanish, but I digress -

and as prudish as I may be, I am well-read beyond belief in the ways of flirting and the likes.

I have never read, and will never read a romance novel but the imagery and phallic symbolism intricately worked into the diction, tone and sentence structure of the Russian and American classics as well as good contemporary literature, have made me well-read in the concept of sensuality, thank you very much.

But I am Gemini, and so I put on this costume in the situation that I must move sensually in front of eyes - eyes that are not seen when I am on stage.

Since when did knowledge of  the connection that exists between our physical corporeal form as humans and our matters of the heart, become so vulgar to the point of laughable non-sanctity?

I wouldn’t mind having a private dance party in my room and dancing to the likes of something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DCNxoUG_38, but I would never in front of anyone else but myself, dance semi-provocatively in any way that may make seem as if I am dancing for someone other than me.

I know that you know,that I know that you catch my drift.

This internal biological switch does not only apply to my dancing here. Growing up my teacher would beg me to not do injustice to her dance, because I was not invoking the necessary effeminacy to successfully lure my abstract prince charming. She would beg me to have masti, a conscious playfulness or loquaciousness, in my eyes and body.

How could I?

How could I enact an adolescent girl’s dream entity of her future-husband, (which by the way, is still the same even at age twenty-one) when the mere mention of a non-related male made by me in my house was something taboo, (and rightfully so - my future child will learn to associate “dating” with a mental image of a scene from a horror movie) -

Also, it is not in my disciplined way of life to so openly allow others to observe my perception of what love is.

How could I embrace my feminine wiles on the same tiled floor where I felt I had connected to the divine?

I had personally thanked God for giving me my culture and allowing me to inherit a dance form so sacred, pure, and skilled. I had molded by body to the form of deities out of respect and praise, to the likes of : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olg3JdIvA2A&feature=related

My dance teacher would hug me and smile once I had made my way past the backstage area post-performance. Where was all of the intensity and self-displacement within the narrative of the dance during practice?

She undoubtedly knew - she knows who I am.

I can only dance for myself and for the one who I rely on, who I question,and who I praise and admire.

I may put on a costume to suit a situation, but in doing so, I am preserving myself, my peace of mind, my legacy.

By not dancing the way I should have today, I know that I will most definitely displace myself in the character of innocent seductress -  on the stage and with my self-discipline in tact.

I won’t be seeing eyes looking back at me and in turn, I will not be dancing for someone else.

No, on the stage, I ’ll be dancing for myself and the costume that was worn during practice, will be thrown amongst the blush, earrings, and sequined tops that are scattered backstage.

“Writing and public speaking, are arts that you… Gemini can rely on consistently”.

Thank God for that -