XCV. The Culture of the Cold -
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* Not your regular blog post.
When I walk, I tend to walk for miles and therefore I warm up pretty easily. So, I threw on an extra large, short sleeve pajama shirt, my university sweats, and my woolen coat with fleece lining; no sweater or pullover.
My bummy scarf, the scarf I usually reserve for trips to the supermarket, was also wound loosely around my neck.
It was frigid inside my house, not to mention outside. Despite this, I was sure warmth would nag me as I was walking. Consequently, you could say the scarf was a precautionary measure.
A hat would be out of the question if I was going to be warm while walking.
This year I have been wearing 3 different hats, obviously not all at once. I would not even take off any of the hats once I got into a place of warmth because it was just too fashionably-necessary. That is to say, these hats have been beautification appendages for me these past couple of months. I like how the roundness of my face and my large eyes are framed with my hat on.
It was snowing and so less than a half mile later, I was sitting on the stairs to my home, underneath the pseudo-umbrella that is the canopy covering my porch.
A sole car passed by and a person was crooning their neck to see who that person was, sitting with her legs stretched out in front of her, all bundled up, in 20 degree F weather.
‘The Culture of the Cold’ is like that; personal and public, vulnerable to judgment and as a result, classification.
The Hat:
If you wear a skull hat, a simple woven cap that shapes to the skull, you’re that classic person who has a taste for the timeless. The unisex quality of the simple, solid color hat reflects your preference for the basics that don’t go out of style.
If you wear a hat that has a large pom-pom like, or spherical, feature in the back of your hat, you’re that forever young person. Even if your hair is greying, or disappearing, you’re walking in defiance of the generational gap.
The hat with the cap in the front an the bunched up seam along the back: You can either come off as that music video extra, or perhaps Miss JLo herself, or you could look like you’ve been inspired by the Eastern European cultural aesthetic. These hats are never a lone character in the outfit. The counterpart all depends on the wearer. Also, I’m unsure of how this could help keep you warm seeing as how the visor-like cap in the front provides a cool shade for your face.
The slouchier, or over sized hat, is reminiscent of a hidden muse. Something or someone influenced you to make the purchase of that hat or perhaps dig that hat out of an old trunk at home. You’re more hipster than not.
The Hood:
For some odd reason, the handy hood that added an extra $50 to $100 onto your coat/jacket/vest, reflects the hood, as in the place.
Whenever anyone wears a hood he/she is essentially shielding his/her forehead and maybe eyes, giving way to the protrusion of a nose, a shadowy mouth, and chin.
People will literally veer out of you way if you have a hood on and are walking around in an area that isn’t particularly crowded.
Sometimes, you’re just forced to take off the hood to show that you’re not a threat, only to be diagnosed with the flu 9 hours later.
Gloves:
Nylon/ Possibly polyester blended gloves aka the gloves that can be found anywhere: These gloves are ideal for picking up snow; indeed these are the child’s choice of friendly finger-wear.
You’re practical: Why pick up fancy gloves when you can buy these, cheap but functional gloves, that serve your purpose?
Weaved gloves: These gloves come in a variety of color and are deceiving in that like the skull hat, seem classic. They’re not classic though, they’re just clumsily interconnected threads. As a result, they become threadbare. The gloves have been pulled on and/or snagged at.
They leave lint everywhere, and not surprisingly, you’re hands are still cold.
Leather/Suede Gloves - These gloves are obviously feminine or masculine in their tailor-ship. Sometimes you’re seen as a diva, other times you’re seen as upscale. Either way, your hands are kept warm and you may just have outsmarted everyone else that has and have yet to been mentioned so, mad props yo.
Mittens:
Whoever came up with the mitten was clearly a desperate entrepreneur. The mitten will cause your smart phone to slip and drop out of your hand. You’re fingers are being imprisoned and your oppose-able thumb statement so more than a century ago.
If you don’t feel a strong animosity for having to take off your mitten, risking the chances of losing it, every time you need to swipe a Metrocard, make a phone call, check an e-mail, or scratch yourself at some point in time, you’re not human and the whole separate thumb pocket does not do anything to assure me that you are in fact a mammal, much less a human.
Outerwear:
Northface: Honestly, I detest Northface outerwear. They’re just an eye-sore, let’s be honest.
The argument of them being warm is last season’s outdated argument.
The price for one of these jackets is more than the price of a unique coat, that is tailored and also goes pas the knee, ensuring optimal warmth.
The unisex quality of these coats undermines the existence of gender entity and I feel like the whole cult of Northface owners are causing us to regress back in time.
Bubble Jackets: A popular favorite amongst everyone but myself, quite possibly. I suppose they do succeed in keeping one warm. If you wear one of these coats, don’t you ever feel like you’re a walking fun-house mirror at the circus? They’re gargantuan! Still, when you wear these, you’re showing camaraderie with your brethren of humankind, all of whom just want to be warm in the cold.
You’re most likely a friendly person, (not to say that I’m not but I digress), and you’re most likely ok with the concept of re-purchasing a similar jacket later.
Little white feathers start to emerge from every pore in the material.
This is not a sign of the potency of your bubble jacket’s ability to keep you warm, stuffed as it were, with feathers. This is a sign of me saying, I told you so.
The Pea-coat: The pea-coat manages to effortlessly dress up anyone. It doesn’t matter if your slacks are wrinkled or grungy. There is a zero chance of looking like a granola when you have a pea-coat on. What this coat says is that you want to look good even if you’re going out to the pharmacy to buy throat lozenges.
Leather-Jackets: You can be a biker or you can be Rico Suave. Either way, you must be cold…. unless of course your not and you have manged to layer a wife beater, shirt, sweater, among other apparel, somehow. The leather coat is snazzy but what it does to combat the cold is not very convincing.
Scarves:
Scarves are much too complex an item to go through in this day and age when this piece of garb has become so universally adapted, but I will say this:
There are those who wear the scarves with an air of knowledge bequeathed to them by inheritance and there are those who cannot.
For that is ‘The Culture of the Cold’, in as narrated by yours truly according to the observations of my own geographic locale and corresponding demographic.