LXXIX. Self-Inflicted Strife -

Superstitions are potent enablers that, ironically, prohibit exploration, experiences, and moving on.

As a child I remember my father’s early lessons about Sikhism; Ritualism is an unnecessary preoccupation; superstition a habit that prevents a peace of mind.

I understood even at that age how beneficial this philosophy could be. I didn’t think I was capable of truly believing such a lofty thought.

I used to think that only a selected few had the strength to do so; to believe and live without superstition.

Recently I had rejoiced in good news and just as quickly, I had provoked some god awful thought so recent good tidings wouldn’t expire… as if one could only be allotted a certain amount of happiness.

This cannot be true.

If it were true then perhaps no matter what my action, the outcome will occur regardless and superstitions would be concrete and need to be heeded.

That is to say, if I were to have stood outside the subway station instead of taking one train, walking and boarding the next train, I would have stood outside, and somehow ended up at home.

Believe it or not, I had been seriously contemplating standing outside in the pre-Fall chill of downtown Manhattan, hair flying about, and with one shoulder cocked an inch lower than the other by the weight of my laptop, books, and bag.

I was off balance. For clarity’s sake, I had looked off-balance.

I’m balanced now.

I’m balanced because I have begun to shun any superstitious thought. It became annoying to look over my shoulder while walking, out of precaution, and then feel the need to look over my other shoulder just in case I had missed something in my lopsided periphery.

This obsession with symmetry is disgusting.
Just refer to that woman in Europe who, according to scientifically-sound proof, has a perfectly symmetrical face and therefore qualifies as the most beautiful woman in the world. It’s absolutely absurd.

I’ll take what happens as it comes.
Everything is willed, yes.

Everything is willed by one’s self because only me, you, us, can be the agent for change, not the medium by which change magically occurs.

I cannot magically have myself teleported from the dwelling space of analysts and investment bankers, some of who, despite wearing impeccably tailored suits, look like members of the equivalent to a Mean’s Girls table.

We all have to keep at whatever “it” is. Only functionality can reap tangible outcomes.

I suppose this means that I have to be proactive in the pursuit of my Indian-film-like-life as well, doesn’t it?